"Existentialist philosopher with crude jokes" is probably an apt description for comedian provocateur Bill Hicks. He dared you to challenge your own beliefs. He didn't want you to just laugh. He also wanted you to think. Including thinking about our very own existence.
Some of his gems:
“If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CDs and burn them. Cause you know what? The musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years? Real fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fuckin' high they let Ringo sing a few songs."
"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fuckin' cross? It's kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on."
"What do atheists scream when they come?"
"My final point about alchohol, about drugs, about pornography...What business is it of your's what I do, read, buy, see or take into my body as long as I don't harm another human being whilst on this planet? And for those of you having a little moral dilemna on how to answer this, I'll answer for you. NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS Take that to the bank, cash it and take it on a vacation outta my fucking life. And stop bringing shotguns to UFO sightings, they might be here to pick me up and take me with 'em."
"Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense."
"Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right? There's another 90 percent of our brains that we have to illuminate."
"I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit … left chocolate eggs in the night. Now … I wonder why we're fucked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the fucking book."
"I think it's interesting the two drugs that are legal, alcohol and cigarettes, two drugs that do absolutely nothing for you at all; and the drugs that might open your mind up to realize how badly you're being fucked every day of your life? … Those drugs are against the law. He-heh, coincidence?"
"Wouldn't you like to see a positive LSD story on the news? Wouldn't that be interesting? Just for once?: Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."
"You believe the world's 12,000 years old? Okay, I got a one word question to ask, ready? Dinosaurs. You know the world's 12,000 years old and dinosaurs existed in that time. You'd think it would have been mentioned in the Bible at some point: And lo, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth but the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus' paw and the big lizard became his friend."
"Christianity has a built-in defense system: Anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism."
I had been told by my best friend that smart comedy has no place in the Philippines. That the only one that can be successful is the kind containing insults, screaming, toilet humor and gay lingo. Too bad since a lot of things we do here (not just by politicians, mind you) is a joke. Would be great if they were funny, too.
I think it would help our country tremendously if we, as a people, actually started thinking. If, somehow, a mirror was put in front of us we'd finally realize how absurd we are. For example:
The flooding of Ondoy was not made by God. It was made by people like you and I. We throw our trash everywhere. We're not doing anything to have less people. We're not doing enough to help people have decent homes and not have to live by the river. We're not holding our government accountable for not enforcing zoning laws. Of course, we were going to have the great flood.
Or (the people in my industry will kill me for this, but, here goes):
We spend so much on medicines, vitamins and cure-alls (look at the billboards, ads, commercials. Never seen a country peddle them like we do) when one just has to see that it's what we eat, our lifestyle...our own-made pollution around us that's actually killing us.
They, of course, kill people with dangerous ideas: Gandhi, Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, Jose Rizal to name a few. Jesus and Rizal? Both were instigators killed for exposing the wrongdoings of the Church and their fellowmen. Rizal did it, of course, through the pen. His ideas were the seeds of the revolution. Soon as I know more about Rizal, I'll feature him in an "Incendiary Minds" column.
Bill Hicks died in 1994 at the age of 32. His legacy has lived on, however, with a documentary and a rumored film to be directed by Ron Howard and with Russell Crowe portraying Hicks. Google "bill hicks prophet" and you'll get 41,000 hits.
Jon King at Consious Ape writes, "Like Martin Luther King, Bill Hicks had a dream, a vision of how things could be if only we’d get our shit together and risk a little trust—take responsibility for who and what we truly are and live as though we mean it, as though we care about each other and this incredible world on which we all live.
Bill Hicks’s vision was one of hope, an aspiration that reached out beyond the constraints of religion, fear and impending doom and caught sight of just how incredible life could be—if we want it...that if we seize the opportunity we could rid the world of greed and fear and fill it up with love."
The only way to close this piece:
The transcript:
"The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it, you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while.
Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: 'Is this real? Or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and they say 'Hey! Don't worry, don't be afraid - ever - because... this is just a ride.' And we kill those people.
'Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride! Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry; look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.'
It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that - ever notice that? - and we let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because... it's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort. No worry. No job. No savings and money. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy bigger guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.
Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, into a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defense each year and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would do many times over - not one human being excluded - and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever. In peace."
